I felt fairly depressed and subdued leaving the dojo tonight. During sparring I just couldn't seem to think of anything right to do. The moves of course just don't flow and I was hit by a wall telling me that BJJ is just so hard to master. It seems like I take 1 step forward and 2 steps back. For example, I still can't get back to guard after being in side control. I do ok preventing cross-faced but as soon as I shrimp the opponent moves further round me. When the roles are reversed it just seems easy for them to get back to guard. I feel like my brain is in slow motion thinking of the correct reaction. I tried to relax a lot tonight and not grip so hard because my finger joints hurt so bad in the mornings I have problems making a fist. I feel like there are so many moves in my head that my brain is in overload and causes me to have 2 left feet and the hand dexterity of a newborn.
I guess jiu-jitsu takes a long time to fuse into your brain and body. It's frustrating and hard work. I can see why many people quit early on. I won't be one of those people. I am going to add a day into my schedule to take an hour out and practice the moves solo. Get them into my head. I'm sick of my brain stuttering along and second guessing which part of the sequence is next to do the move. I also wish I had done judo as a kid, that would have helped a hell of a lot.